4-Step Script For Improving Your Marriage: The Harmony Huddle

As anyone who has studied business management and success knows, what gets measured, gets managed. Or, what gets measured, gets improved. It’s no different for the most important relationship in your life: your marriage.

If you have a partner who is doing their own inner growth work and is willing to contribute to a more satisfying marriage, I want to introduce you to the Harmony Huddle. This is a weekly marriage meeting and love check-in. It opens the gates for communication and improvement. Even if you rate your marriage at an 8 or 9, this meeting helps you identify and implement ways to bring your marriage closer to a 10 and address any small issues before they blow up into big ones.

Here’s how to introduce the Harmony Huddle to your partner:

First, pick a name that works for you both. My husband is a football fan so huddle stuck for me and I wanted the intention of our conversation to be around creating more harmony and partnership, rather than “fixing our marriage.” What would your partner relate to?:

• Marriage Meeting
• Pre-Hanky Panky Pow Wow
• Communication Catch Up
• Partnership Check In
• Connection Council
• Love Date
• Or any creative name unique to the two of you!

Then, come from a place of love during a low-tension time and say something like, “I love you and have been doing a lot of deep work on myself so I can be a better partner for you. I want to make sure I am making you feel loved and respected. Can we have a weekly Harmony Huddle?”

The Harmony Huddle will consist of four questions that you both answer.

1. Acknowledgement and appreciation.

Let your partner know what they did that made you feel loved or grateful this week:

• Thank you for having this meeting with me. I love feeling more connected to you.
• I loved how you rubbed my feet while we were watching TV on Saturday. It felt so good!
• I was so proud of you when I heard about your accomplishments at work this week.
• You helping me clean up after dinner allowed me 10 extra minutes with our son at bedtime. He told me the funniest story!

Be specific and know that what gets recognized, gets repeated. (This is true for your spouse, your kids, your teammates – all human beings crave recognition!)

2. Rate your relationship over the last week on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest.

The act of choosing a number will help you both recall what happened over the past seven days so you can later speak to what worked and what didn’t. Plus, you now have a reference point to build upon for the evolution of your relationship. 

3. What can I do this week to make you feel more loved and move our relationship to a 10?

Take this very lightly at first. Let your partner go first and practice your mindful listening. Rephrase back to them what they shared so you can ensure you understand and know specifically how to put it in play. Don’t get defensive or emotional. Remember, you are requesting this feedback so you can improve!

4. Do you still feel that your Love Language is ________?

The purpose of this is twofold. One, to help keep your partner’s Love Language front of mind. Two, to get feedback on how to better love them in their Love Language. You could say:

• Will you give me an example from this past week where I could have done a better job of speaking to you in your love language?
• Or, please share an example of where I communicated well in your love language this past week.

I recommend you both answer each question in the order they are presented above before moving on to the next questions, so it feels like a balanced, give-and-take conversation.

Perhaps the most challenging part of this conversation is actually having it!

My husband and I used to have our Harmony Huddle every Monday morning at 6:45am before we got the boys up for school. Then summer came and Mike’s work schedule slowed down. Since he was home a lot more I thought, we don’t need to keep this meeting in our schedules. We can have it whenever we like and communicate about these things as they arise.

Guess how many times this past summer we had a Harmony Huddle or intentionally talked about how to make each other feel more loved?

ZERO!!!

It happened zero times because it wasn’t in our calendars!

Pick a 10-to-15-minute block of time that generally works for both of you and schedule your Harmony Huddle to recur. It has added so much depth, respect, and conflict resolution to our marriage. I want the same for you too!

Have it all,

Your coach,

Sara

P.S. If you sense you need more than a Harmony Huddle to improve your marriage, I can help. Hitting rock bottom in my marriage 10 years ago was the catalyst for my personal growth journey and what I guide my coaching clients through. Schedule a free 25-minute coaching consult with me HERE so we can chat about your relationship goals and how I can help.